This was undoubtedly the worst performance of the season. The twitter timeline is engulfed in 3-0 memes and gifs of Bambi on ice. If you were missing not being able to watch the circus due to quarantine, no worries, Chelsea has you covered! Not even a minute after the whistle blew, the circus began with much needed fake crowd noise. Every single player performed well below expectations, and this player ratings will be harsh, but deserved.

Player Ratings:

Arrizabalaga 0:

Made one decent reaction save and looked like a motionless mannequin for the rest of the game. He looked like a weak hyena surrounded by mannequins supposed to protect him from the lions which were Sheffield’s giant players.

Zouma 0:

One of the motionless mannequins as mentioned before. He is supposed to be our aerial dominator, but spent most of the game watching Christensen try helplessly to beat players double his size in the air.

Christensen 0:

Christensen seemed to forget he was supposed to actually play today, as he was watching the ball more than the fans at home. He was beaten in the air incredibly easily, and looked to be day-dreaming about his prior performance against City. 

Azpilicueta 1.5:

He was nearly invisible today, but less motionless than the other mannequins. Was woeful going forward, but who would expect him to put in a decent cross with his left foot in the first place? 

James 2.5:

Reece was not awful today, but defensively he looked clueless at times. Going forward, he provided a few decent crosses but was met with slip-n-slide headers and, wait for it, a goalkeeper who can actually catch a cross? I’m just as confused as you are, the last time I saw Kepa catch a cross, I woke up from a dream.

Jorginho 1:

The wrong kind of Italian engine today

The Italian engine today was not a Ferrari, but more like a Maserati Biturbo. He looked as frail as a stick and some of his sideways passes managed to go nicely onto the feet of Sheffield’s players. Kanté is dearly missed at the same position, despite only starting there for a few games.

Mount 1:

Mason was not his usual self. His game relies on his work rate and stamina rather than technique or physique, which made him quite useless. He should have cleared the ball for the first goal, not to mention the numerous other times he gave the ball away in dangerous areas. Going up, he was not awful but also not his usual self.

Barkley 1:

You know we have severe problems in midfield when Barkley is doing the main link up play in the middle. He was slow on the ball (what a surprise), and lost possession many times. Barkley also tried to use Bruno’s PS4 controller, but he completely forgot to hold the button instead of tapping. 

Willian 1:

The brazilian was his normal self today, losing his rare run of good form. He put in half-hearted crosses and dropped back to play more like a CDM than Jorginho. During the second goal, he was distracted by Christensen daydreaming and started daydreaming himself, giving Sheffield the perfect opportunity to put in a good cross. 

Abraham 0.5:

Tammy has been in severe decline since he got injured near the start of the year. The curse of the number 9 is back and it’s hard to watch. He fell over more than his international team-mate Jack Grealish, who is known as the grass whisperer. Also, for a man who’s 6 foot 5 inches, he is less aerially capable than Billy Gilmour. 

Pulisic 4:

Christian was our most dangerous player today. Even with multiple markers closing in on him, he was the main threat going forward. What’s amazing is that he still was relatively direct in his dribbling even with a wall of giants in his path. His substitution in the second half showed us that Lampard pretty much gave up.


Alonso 3:

Marcos looked a lot more comfortable as a LWB and despite his poor crosses, he played decently in the second half. If Pulisic and Alonso started off together, we could have been a lot better in the left flank. Defensively, he looked a bit more tame but still a liability.

Rudiger 1:

Somehow, Rudiger managed to make our defense look as bad as it was in the first half. He provided a brilliant assist to McGoldrick who got a brace. Maybe hire him as an attacking play coach?

Giroud 3.5:

The moment he came on, we looked ten times sharper. In his first touch, he nearly scored a worldie but just placed it wide. His substitution was far too late and he should have started in the first place.

Hudson-Odoi 3:

CHO looked more sharp today and looks more likely to start. He was dangerous when he came on but was also a late substitution. 

Loftus-Cheek 3:

Came on too late, but was already doing better than Barkley was.

Lastly, Lampard 1:

Frank had a tactical disaster class today. We stuck to our 433 formation at the start, but took off our crucial striker for someone who still looks shaky. Why was this necessary? Taking risks like that at a crucial point in the season is stupid. In the second half, it felt like he gave up already. We switched to a 3-4-3 without Giroud, which basically meant we didn’t have a player who could hold and link-up play. Later on, we switched to a 3-4-1-2 which was a strange choice. Lastly, when CHO came on, we switched to a 424. This game showed us that Frank still has a lot to improve in as a manager, and there’s a lot of work for us to do against Norwich.

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