Chelsea Football Club has a diverse fan base with many distinct stereotypical classes inscribed. Our founding fathers were, according to 2003 sources, aiming towards a synonymous community where fans could agree with each other and share similar viewpoints on the team and football as a whole. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your viewpoint), in today’s day and age, the fanbase is (as mentioned before) very diverse in its stereotypical identities, something I wish to humorously indulge readers in. Let’s get right into the 7 types of Chelsea Fans!
This type of fan is the epitome of classical. They are usually elderly people who glorify the “good old days” of Chelsea F.C., back when we didn’t have our “Russian sugar daddy” to ruin football. When it comes to Stamford Bridge, they miss the days when fans had no seats but were instead forced to stand during the entire match. Ironically, these fans now can’t watch without sitting due to their age. The majority of “Old-timers” can be classified as “boomers”, although most people are hesitant to say so due to our fan base being so respectful towards each other (mostly). Some Old-timers are also very keen on making the majority of our squad born-and-bred English lads. These lads are almost always from the Yorkshires, Berkshires, Oxford-shires, and the other places that share a name with places from Middle Earth.
The Youthaholic lives off of our academy and the immense energy our youth provides day in and day out. Many youthaholics are noble people who like to shine lights on our up-and-coming stars who don’t get the credit they deserve. On the other side of the coin, the radical youthaholics are the ones who made the transition from Coors light beer to russian vodka. These fans have the audacity to propose that each youth player is better than their corresponding first team players, ex. Ampadu being better than Kante. In addition to the academy adorers, there are people who want Chelsea to sign multiple 100m+ youngsters so that we can have the best possible team with the youngest possible players. They reject players who are at their prime (25-28) because apparently in 2020, it’s better to always buy 20 year old inexperienced players with talents even if there are better and cheaper players who are a bit older. Unfortunately, this last subcategory is preknown in Chelsea twitter, which shows how naive some people can be.
The International Fan
The international fan, quite obviously, does not live anywhere in the United Kingdom. There are many sub-categories, but the main ones are the plastic and the regular. The regular fan is one who watches the majority of the games, loves the club, and is just like any match-going fan, without the actual match-going part. The plastic is a creature that is very simple to identify. Plastics are created when they want to start supporting a club, so they google the biggest clubs in world football. 99% of the time, they choose Real Madrid or Barcelona, as those are the two usually located first or second on the top ten lists. If by chance they really like the color blue or lions, they may choose to support Chelsea. These fans have probably only watched a game or two in their lives, and probably think Chelsea play at Wembley. The plastics are quite rare at our fine club, but going to the Etihad can give you an understanding of what a plastic is (be warned, it’s quite difficult to find fans at the Emptihad).
The FT Simp
The FT simp is quite easy to identify on twitter. There are a few requirements necessary to be labeled a FT simp. The first requirement is that the person must be under the age of 16, either physically or mentally. A FT simp is known for being incredibly immature and “cringe,” so it is likely that they are quite young. Secondly, the FT simp must have what we call a “football avi.” A “football avi” is when a twitter user puts an image of a football player as their profile picture. Although this is quite common and accepted among the fanbase, there are certain “avis” that are simply fit for a FT simp. Thirdly, they must have a username that contains the name of a player, along with an adverb or adjective in front of the footballer’s name. It is also recommended that the adverb or adjective starts with the same letter as the player’s name, for example, Wacky Willian, or Tricky Tomori. Lastly, a true FT simp has the signature FT bio. The signature FT bio formula is: Had a bio, but (insert player name here+insert action here). A generic example would be: I had a bio but CHO dribbled past it. Some of the vocabulary used by such fans include “dub”, “W, rt?”, “Fb”, “Aired”, “Simp”, “uno”, and “W-name.”
The Antagonist is a rare breed of fan, one who goes against the norm in every way they can think of. Whether it is to troll, to get views or to simply bewilder others with their opinions, the antagonist is quite a character. An antagonist in Chelsea most likely hates Frank Lampard and the youth movement he started, instead wanting to buy a whole squad of players whom they rate. When it comes to arguing with an antagonist, don’t even bother thinking about changing their opinions. They are irrational, arrogant, stubborn and usually quite annoying to be with. The one plus side of an antagonist in Chelsea is that they cause just as much of a tantrum in conversation with rivals as much as they do within our community.
The FIFA Manager
This guy right here thinks we have just been taken over by MBS of Saudi Arabia and that we have been given an influx of cash that would put 2003 to shame. The FIFA manager is an avid career mode fan who has taken third tier teams to champions league glory through the use of big money transfers. Unfortunately, they take career mode as reflective of real life, causing them to change their opinions of real football. They want to spend hundreds of millions every window, and they wholeheartedly expect the club to do so. Whether there is a global pandemic or a lack of funds, they make it their goal to spread propaganda about how the club is in shambles if the “easy” transfers aren’t done. These so-called “easy” transfers usually include the likes of Mbappe, Sancho, Havertz and other incredibly expensive players in one window. The word “deluded” is the best definition one can make for such a fan.
The Snake is not actually a vicious and scary person, but instead more of a Courtois type. Instead of supporting their own team with pride and dignity, they like to kiss the butts of rivals just for a few clicks and giggles. The Snakes are constantly comparing players who have no reason to be compared. They also indulge their time into other football admin accounts, strictly for the purpose of drawing in rival fans with further butt licking. To best explain a Snake in football, we can use examples in office environments. There is always that one person in the office who throws away their pride and respect from colleagues, just for the sake of pleasing the boss no matter what. Despite their actions, they still have the audacity to wear a Chelsea logo online and in real life. The Snake lives up to its name in these fans, as they slither their way into our fanbase from the cracks in the ground.
Overall, there are still many more types of fans in Chelsea. These seven are some of the ones I encounter daily online, but in general, most of our fan base is respectful and pleasing to chat with. Don’t take this article too seriously, because during these tough times, comedic relief is a nice distraction 😉
Edited by: Dan